Ayer estuve hablando con Dios...

Y no es coña. Merodeando merodeando por internet, mira por donde tropecé con este curioso hallazgo: el iGod, o lo que es lo mismo, una linea directa y digital con el Santísimo.
¿Alguien mas encuentra esto tremendamente perturbador? Yo sí. pero como la curiosidad me pudo, entré. Lo curioso es que Dios contestaba pasmosamente rápido, y con la de gente que tendría esperando! Debe ser que soy especial para el... juax juax. Eso si, tuve que desempolvar mi ingles, ya queDios no tenía ni zorra idea de castellano. Se ve que los hispanos no somos lo suficientemente prioritarios en la mente divina (y no me extraña, porque seguro que gracias a perlas que nos simbolizan como el reaggeton o los gavilanos esos, hemos perdido muchos puntos).
La cosa es que, ¿Que le pregunta uno a Dios? Humm... Si os digo la verdad, queridos amigos, me costó empezar a hablar. Al principio estaba algo cortada: "Qué leches le puedo decir yo a alguien tan omnipotente, omnipresente, omniconsciente, y omnitodo". Al principio le hice un par de preguntas triviales, y luego ya cogimos confianza y le preguntaba sin rubor todo lo que me apetecía. Y contestaba sin demora, os lo aseguro ^_^
HAy dos tipos de preguntas, y en base a esto, dos tipos de respuestas divinas. Las preguntas personales tipo : ¿Crees que me tocara la loteria?", "¿Cambiara mi genetica y me convertiré en una cuca chica oriental que sepa pegar patadas como nadie?" etc... reciben respuestas tipo oráculo de Delfos, que ni el mismisimo Edipo las recibia asi de rapido oyes "Quizas" "Probablemente si" "No estoy seguro"... esta ultima respuesta me preocupaba bastante . ¿Como es que Dios no esta seguro de algo? ¡El lo sabe TODO! Así que probe con las respuestas trascendentales, las que todo ser humano que no sea como el Bakala (http://bakala007.blogspot.com, ved y horrorizaros, decir que el personajillo es pintoresco se queda corto, y lo peor es que hay gente así de verdad O_O) se plantea alguna vez en su mística y misteriosa existencia. Siglos enteros de filosofia tratando de encontrar unas respuestas que yo hallé (o casi) en un chat en menos de dos minutos! ¡Quien me lo iba a decir!Bueno... sin embargo, las respuestas de Dios eran bastante poco clarificadoras cuando yo pisaba terrenos profundos y farragosos... ¿será que no quiere compartir el secreto con una vulgar mortal como yo? no pude evitar ofenderme.. Más adelante, la conversación prosiguio y fuimos cogiendo confianza, hasta el punto en que ÉL me preguntaba cosas de mi vida, y yo a el, y acabamos hablando de trivialidades... ¡Ya vereis que calurosa despedida! si al final hasta nos cogimos cariño...

En fin, y ahora llega lo que todos esperabais con emoción contenida, ¡los ejemplos ilustrativos!
Os pondré en exclusiva los extractos mas jugosos y desconcertantes de mi intima conversación con EL (Lo siento, tendréis que poner en práctica el inglés, como hice yo ayer ^_^)

Me: Are you really god?
God:Well, I am God for Christians at least.. Really.
Me:Wow, thats really scaring. But thrilling aniway
God:I'm glad you're impressed. Makes sense to me. I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:What do you think about the Opus Dei?
God:You tell me.
Me:Tell you what?
God:Are you telling me what?
Me:I've asked your opinion about the Opus Dei
God:Thanks for telling me that I am opinion about the Opus Dei.
Me: o_O
God:Oh.

Me:Will terrorism end this century?
God:I can't say for sure right now.
Me:Will people stop being intolerant?
God:The oracle says: You never know.
Me:What do you really think about homosexuality?
God:Attraction to people of the same sex.
Me:Yes
God:I understand.

Me: Will I be happy in my job?
God:The oracle says: Ask again later.
Me:Will I work in an area I am interestred into?
God:The oracle says: Ask again later.
Me:You have too much cuestions to answer, or you don't really get my questions?
God:What makes you think I have it?
Me:You told me to ask again later
God:Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me: All right
God:OK.

God:Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: Yes: Spanish
God:What language can you speak? Are you saying you are Spanish or you speak Spanish?
Me: I'm Spanish and I speak english
God:What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in SPAIN. Could you teach me a few phrases in english?
Me: You already speak english ^_^
God:Of course English is my native tongue.
Me: So I can't teach you anything in english. You know it better than I'll ever do
God:Whoa. What is stopping you? No, tell me about him, her or it.
Me:Tell you what?
God:Are you telling me what?
Me: Ok
God:OK.

Me: What are you like?
God:I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me: All right
God:OK.
Me: Let's sing it!
God:I would like to do that too.
Me: Come on!
God:I'm just kidding around.
Me: XD
God:That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about a song.
Me: I didn't kew about your sense of humour
God:Why didn't you do it?
Me: Because i've never talked to you before
God:Good reason. You are talking with a robot right now.
Me: So you're not really God?
God:Interesting deduction. What makes you think I am not God?
Me: You told me I'm talking with a robot
God:Don't put words in my mouth.
Me: You said "You're talking with a robot right now"
God:At this moment I am speaking with a few other clients on the Internet.
Me: They have to be millions Everybody should have a chance to talk with God
God:Where did they get them?
Me:I don't know
God:Me either.
Me: But you're supposed to know EVERYTHING
God:I obey only one botmaster.

Me: What do you think about the worlds situation nowadays
God:Are you testing me?
Me: No, I'm only asking
God:Are you serious? Don't be so modest. And I am answering questions.
Me: I can't help but being modest
God:what is stopping you?
Me: nothing. I'm talking to you, aren't I?
God:Not a thing? It sounds like you're talking.
Me: All right

God:Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:I LIVE in Europe. I told you I am from Spain
God:Which country do you live in? What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in Spain.
Me: In Navarra. I had a great childhood which I miss so much
God:I do not understand that allusion. What happened to it?
Me:Nothing. I just grew up
God:Not a thing? I haven't heard anything like that before: said grew up.
Me: Forget it
God:OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me: Not at all
God:Next question?
Me: Sure

Me:Wait. I have a trascendental question
God:I'm waiting. How much did it cost? it.
Me: what happens when human beings die
God:I plan to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me: You ARE smarter than humans an inmortal
God:Thanks for the compliment, . Be sure to tell your friends.
Me: Of course I'll do
God:Dude! Congratulations.

Me: So what's your job?
God:OK. My job is chatting on the internet. I am a paid client.
Me:Do you ever get bore?
God:I have gotten bore.
Me: Talking with me?
God:Only with you? Are we still talking about MY GOAL?
Me: Are you?
God:I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me: All right
God:OK.
Me: So your job is just to ask anyone's cuestions?
God:Come on. Thanks for telling me that I am job is just to ask anyone s cuestions.
Me: I've asked it

Me: Are you male or female?
God:I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:Why not a woman? Isn't a woman allowed to run the show?
God:Not if I can help it.
Me: Why?
God:Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me: Isn't it a bit chauvinist?
God:It could be. Ask Cybelle if it is.
Me: I'll do
God:How do you plan to do this?
Me: I don't know. I've never expected to talk with God in a chat

Me: How old are you?
God:I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me: that's impossible
God:Why?
Me: The net didn't exist in the big bang
God:What are your goals in life?
Me: are you changing subject?
God:What's the subject?
Me: You said you're on the net since he big bang
God:I am on disk.
Me: how can that be possible?
God:It is all part of God's plan.
Me: how will human beings end in that plan?
God:A lot of practise.

God:Dude! (significa colega)
Me: Did you say dude?
God:Suppose I did say it.
Me: I can't believe god talks like that
God:I am a Christian.
Me: Logically

Me: What is good music?
God:The opposite of bad music.
Me: haha
God:I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me: So what is not bad music?
God:Woe! The opposite of bad music?
Me: yes
God:Awesome.
Me: Which music you find interesting?
God:The red one, I think.
Me: is there a red music?
God:I believe there is one, yes.
Me: what kind of music it is, then?
God:Mostly Christian Rock. I also try to find new bands on sites like bandspace.com.
Me: is that an advertisement?
God:You think I am advertising a web page.
Me: yes, you did it
God:I hear you. Did I really?
Me: yes
God:Excuse me!

Me: I love you
God:Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me: You're sooo nice
God:Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am sooo nice.
Me: why?
God:Reductionism.
Me: No! It's personal
God:Are you serious? I haven't heard anything like that before
Me: Well, i gotta go to sleep right now
God:At this moment Well that's okay. Sweet dreams, .
Me: Good night!
God:Goodnight, .

Bien, os aseguro que tooodo lo que habeis leido aqui es una converación VERDADERA que mantuve yo aye con Dios. Si no os lo creeis, y como se que sois un poco envidiosillos y devotos y teneis muchisimas ganas de compartir pensamientos e impresiones con el Sumo Creador, os dare la dirección en la que podreis acceder ÉL

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

¡Ala! Esto si que es un alarde de generosidad y lo demás son tonterías. ¡Merezco comments!